Romance Mistakes

Being romantic is wonderful, fun and especially rewarding but unfortunately, many people make mistakes we all make in relationships that can simply undo all of the good that has been done by romantic efforts.  For instance, every couple has disagreements and upon occasion the argument has a definitive outcome.  The spouse that was right during the argument has two choices when ‘winning’- he or she can not see it as winning and simply move on or express understanding as to why there may have been some confusion.  Or, he or she can gloat and make their spouse feel inferior and possibly humiliated.  One works (the moving on one...) and one doesn’t (the gloating one).

Conflict is often unavoidable when two people from two different backgrounds with different beliefs are brought together.  If you happen to be the one in a disagreement who doesn’t come out as the ‘right’ one or you don’t get your way, the worst thing you can do is to pout.  It’s simply childish, not sexy at all and your partner will most likely have a difficult time finding respect for you as a result.

While worry is a natural part of life, try not to let it overwhelm your relationship.  Wouldn’t your rather focus on much more positive things like romance?  If you find that you and your spouse schedule a lot during the week, sit down and try to eliminate some commitments.  Don’t over-schedule any time that you don’t have to, including vacations and weekends.

Make choices that benefit both you and your spouse.  Instead of turning on the television, ask your wife or husband if they would like to play a board game or go for a walk.  If you decide to watch television together, never guess at the plot or give away the ending of a movie!  Try to support your spouse’s authority in front of the children.  If you disagree about what was done, wait until you can talk quietly with your spouse and discuss why and how things may have been done differently.  He or she can always go back and change their mind or you may eventually come to support his or her decisions.

Make as much as possible in your relationship about ‘us’ instead of about ‘you’.  This doesn’t mean that you or your spouse has to sacrifice his or her individuality, it simply means that all decisions and thoughts about the relationship should be about both needs instead of your own individual needs.  For instance, if you happen to be or sleep with someone who ‘hogs’ the bed covers go out and find an extra, extra large blanket so that there’s plenty for both to share.  Don’t make an issue out of it- make a joke and provide a solution.

Show your spouse that you are a loving and mature individual by doing mature and loving things like never holding grudges or continuously bringing up errors from the past.  You can also be a good listener, never interrupt and wait your turn.  And most importantly, don’t allow a day to pass by without telling your spouse that you love them.

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Opposites Attract

We’ve all heard the expression that ‘opposites attract’.  Heck, even Paula Abdul made a song dedicated to such a phenomenon.  While opposites can seem to have the biggest challenges ahead of them when they get married, they also have to most opportunities for love and romance.  People who embrace romance and actually admit that they enjoy romance are more likely to be successfully married to their opposite.  It just goes to show you how powerful romance can be in any marriage!

Every marriage experiences problems and even misunderstandings from small tiffs to shouting matches and the reason for this is often because both spouses are not able to acknowledge, recognize and appreciate their differences or the principle of balancing opposites.  Everything is intended to be able to work with and often balance its opposite.  Life is full of opposites that complement each other like man and woman, happy and sad, funny and serious, give and take as well as life and death.

Opposites offer insight into the magic of how life is balanced.  If you begin to see your spouse as your equivalent on the opposite side of the scale of life, you should find that you have a new appreciation for his or her individuality. 

Try seeing everything you experience in your marriage at complementary experiences or behaviours.  For instance, instead of using your differences with your spouse as a reason for conflict, try considering them as an important part of the person you love and celebrate them.  While the opposite traits may seem to stand out, you undoubtedly have some common traits you share with your spouse.  Find strength with your spouse because of your similarities.

Take each day with your spouse and live it to the fullest.  At the same time, it is a wonderful idea to make your memories a part of what makes your romance special.  If you love reading books, buy some more but make them about something that your spouse is interested in.  He or she may never read the book, but you will have and you can share all kinds of thoughts and ideas that you may not have been able to before.  At the same time, stop relying on books that tell you how to improve your marriage.  You already have all that you need without them.  You and your spouse are already there!

Make sure you aren’t holding anything back in your relationship.  Each partnership tends to have an individual who would rather bury their feelings than express them and possibly cause conflict or wounded feelings.  It is absolutely all right to express how you feel as long as your words are chosen carefully.  Never take on an accusative tone and always make sure you emphasize what you are saying is how you feel.

You are married to your best friend.  If you don’t treat him or her like they are your best friend already, it’s time to start right now.  On the other hand, sometimes it might be fun to act like he or she is a stranger to spice things up.  Imagine a chance to get to know one another all over again!

Think Relationship Romance

The best thing about romance in a relationship is that it is shared.  While one partner may initiate it, both end up enjoying any romantic effort.  Romance is a relationship activity and cannot work if both partners aren’t participants.  When you decide that romance is the way you want to go in order to improve your marriage or even work towards having an outstanding marriage, start planning your romance in advance with both you and your partner in mind.  Even if you are giving a gift to your partner, keep in mind how it will affect you when you present it to him or her.  Some gifts are actually meant for both of you although it is presented to only one partner (ex. Massage oil).  Both of you must enjoy the romance in order for it to be effective in your relationship.

While being romantic often draws to mind gifts and planning outings together, you don’t have to spend money in order to be romantic!  You can plan a day where you are completely at your spouse’s disposal.  Devote yourself entirely to your spouse for an entire day.  He or she can ask you to do chores, rub their feet, give them a massage, watch a movie you normally wouldn’t watch together or try an interest of his or hers that you haven’t tried.  Your spouse may also decide that you are best put to use in the bedroom!

When you want to do something extra special, take your spouse on a local ‘honeymoon’ trip!  Find a local hotel that has a honeymoon suite and book it for one night.  Do it up right and make sure it is stocked with champagne, strawberries and whipped cream.  Have flowers and your song available to play in your room.  For her, have new lingerie laid out on the bed.  For him, have new lingerie laid out on the bed.  For an extra special twist, pack a bag for your spouse, hire a sitter if necessary and tell him or her that you’re going out for the evening.  Blindfold your spouse and lead him or her to your honeymoon suite.

Find an affordable card shop or see if your local greeting card store offers any type of multiple card purchase discounts.  Buy as many cards for your spouse as you can.  Store the cards and send them to your spouse intermittently.  You can choose to send them every few months, every month, every week, each day or every waking hour!

Take the time to create your own loving edible baked goods for your spouse!  Make heart shaped cookies, a heart shaped cake or make your own heart shaped chocolates.  Find a heart shaped bowl, pop popcorn to serve in the bowl and spend the entire day watching romantic movies together.

You can take any or all of these ideas and use them for special occasions or throughout the year.  It doesn’t really matter when or how you do something romantic as long as you do it together.

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Can Separation Save a Marriage?

Sometimes, married life may become extremely stressful and the couple may find it miserable to live together. When this happens, some couples wish to have a trial separation which may help to work through the difference between both the partners. In some cases, separation is prohibited by cultural or religious rules and they prefer to live apart though legally remaining married. The question is that can separation save a marriage and does it really work?

There two ways of marriage separation, either informal separation or legal separation. Generally, informal separation is what you both agree by a mutual understanding. There is a formal division of the property, arrangements about possession of cars, credit cards and bank accounts. A legal, formal separation is more complicated, permanent and expensive. People undergoing the process of legal separation go through time, pain and expense.

Generally, separation is not the first step to save a marriage. Many couples first try to participate in marital counseling which may help to work through the differences. Some couples seek out an advice from the friends, family or religious leaders. Many people are successful in resolving their marital problems after participating in couple retreats or marriage seminars.

Along with these options or after trying these options, the couples choose a trial separation. Now, you will wonder can separation save a marriage; is it an appropriate way to save a marriage? Yes, it may be helpful as it gives an opportunity to both the partners to experience the feelings of being separated before taking any final decision. The major advantage of trial separation is that it is reversible.

During the period of trial separation, you may go through marital counseling, think over it and then take the final decision. This separation period gives you ample time to think about your differences, your mistakes, problems in your married life and ways to resolve them.

An absence of daily bickering and conflicts may be effective answers to the question can separation save a marriage. Due to a lack of proximity, there is absolutely no chance for conflicts. Both the partners get enough time to think over their marital problems. Most of the marital problems originate from fear, ego or stubbornness. Resolution is possible as long as one partner wishes to keep trying.

The main purpose of trial separation is to develop the skills of resolving the problems before moving back together and working on improving the relationships. For a couple, a planned separation can be a good time to think, to analyze, to reflect, to calm down and cool off. It helps to make thoughtful decisions and thus work to save a marriage.

In some cases, separation may be unplanned and there may be no plans for marriage counseling, no tentative time-line for separation and no guidelines agreed about seeing others. Hence, before you think about separation, talk with each other about the individual goals of separation. Both should be ready for seeking individual and joint counseling during the separation period.

The answer to the question ‘can separation save a marriage’ lies within the person himself/herself; you need to realise how important your spouse is in your life and how life may be without him/her. 

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